I love You.

Stupid. You're so stupid. :'(

Monday, April 26, 2010


It feels so weary I can't even close my eyes to take just a brief nap. And since I know I've got a kind of stupid idea of how to be communicating to you John, I won't be sleeping any sooner. And as I couldn't resume reading the Van Alen Legacy any longer, I was thinking of you even more. 
Tell me John. 
How can I make myself forget that kind of sweet scent of your hair? It smelled so--like the smell of the grass after the rain. So clean. You knew that. And your hands always smelled like the rain. Though they were once nourished me with soothing serenity. And it warms. 
It's crazy, I know. It's like a wave. Electrocuted me since you weren't here. Or maybe you are watching me. How could I ever know? 
Well let me tell you. 
Maybe, well--probably you should've been concerned about your health since--uh, since you were here. Since you were--by my side. 
Because, um, you were infected by some kind of--disaster disease. You hadn't eaten much huh? That you were so busy--taking care of this hopeless corpse. Which had caused, uh, you were drained. Your red blood, as Steven had personally informed to me. 
I'm currently sick by yours. 
Seriously. And I apologize for blaming you for the last post I've written. 
It was my fault that you'd been too drained out. Like I was some kind of monster, which had caused you--sick. That you're a Conduit. I'm sorry. 
But I--I'm sorry. For everything I've said. I just feel so lonely.  I feel like a kitten. A lost kitten. That people keep kicking without even bringing her home. 
And Cue. He's still a student. I can't expect anything from him.  
Even if he's started to act as if he were the only one who could stare. No. Even if he looks much like you. Even if he lets me pick things I want. 
But he's not like you. He's not EVEN you. You always have been mad at anything stupid I did. 
Cue's not. He's such an ignorant. He just--a rebellious teenager. While you were such a noble person. And he's just sixteen. So it seems just too awkward to be speaking to him as he's been living in Prince Albert for quite a long time. Considered as American. Canadian. Yeah. 
How come you both were so parted?

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