I love You.

Stupid. You're so stupid. :'(

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I Plead.

You always dropped by every night. Just to check on me. 
Saying I was reckless. 
You always had been here when I slipped. When I fell. 
Always had been here when I cried. Embraced me in your protective arms. 
Always had been here when I lost my mind. When I didn't have the idea what I was doing.
Always had been here saying that I was crazy as I was helping myself to be like my friends. 
To get myself belonged. 
But you protested it. But your resistance was kind of futile. 
Because you couldn't help it. You couldn't force me to. 
You used to be here holding the knife for me as you were scared I might cut my wrist. 
But that was funny though. I won't do something like that. 
I have my own faith. 
You used to shout at me when you saw my colored claws. 
And cleansed my claws so gently, so softly though you were really mad that time. 
And you used to assault a sharp glare at my buds while you fetched me from school. 
Since you've been gone. 
Nothing like that has been intruding my silence. 


Baby I'm Missing You.

You didn't come. You didn't emerge last night. 
It's hard to accept your absence. 
What did I do to deserve this? 
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. 
I need to feel you holding me. I'll say this over and over again if you haven't present. 
I can't keep on living like this. 
You didn't want me too. I plead; just appear in my dream. 
If only you were here, I'd let you do anything you want. 
Ruffling up my hair, playing all those DVDs, tuning into channels I hate. 
I just don't know what to do with myself. 
It's so different to keep on without you. 
I'm not going to leave if you weren't here with me. No. 
"We've built a great family". Yeah. That's what you said. 
But I deny it. 
It's a devastated family after all. 
It's hard for me to tell you I do love you. Though it's easy for me to fall for someone. 
I would've given you anything. 
For one last time, say goodbye. 
You didn't. You just left. Leaving me alone. 
I never feel this lonely. I feel so lonely. So lonesome. 
Annoyed by my sisters. Ignored. What else? 
There's just one thing I wanna know. 
Why did you want to hurt me so bad? 
This way. 

I Can't Stand Looking at those Pictures

"Don't cry, hun. don't cry"
T___________T T________________T
I told ya I wouldn't obey ya. 
T________T T_____________T T______________T T______________T
This is annoying but I won't obey. 
Speak to me. Tonight. Even in my dream. I need to see you. I love you. 
Take back your life from me. 

I Need To Feel you Here So I Can Write

My both hands are freezing. Because of you. 
My brain's frozen up. Because of you. 
I don't know what to write. I don't know how to continue Chaste's journey. 
Because Tyler's already died. 
Tell me what should she have been doing without Tyler by her side. 
He's dead, already. 
Can't you see that I always write to you without you replying?
I'm insane. I've gone insane. 
Did you know how much it's hurt to be missing you? I love you. 
Goddamn, I love you. I say it. I love you. 
Why didn't you bring my CDs along? So you could reply me whenever I asked.
About your blog you left. And that hurtful song on my laptop screen. 
That painful lyrics. It's hurting me. 
Because you were describing your life. But I don't loathe you. I need you. 
Why did you have to go while I still needed you?
I breathed for you. But not for now. I don't know. Because you weren't here.  
You're at fault I turn this way. And still, I love you. 
Why did you have to go since it was me.
It was me, John. It wasn't you. 
You cried too. You cried the time you created the blog you left. I could feel it. I could see it. 
Though I looked like a dead corpse on the hospital bed. But I felt you crying.

Why did You Leave Anyway

I always have wished the same thing whenever I woke up and to see you there, John. 
I always have. 
Did you ever think what I've wished? 
"Never thought that we've ever met"
And if you could hear me now, I miss your love so much. 
And I miss that smile you used to plant on your brink.
This is stupid, I realize. 
But I don't know what to do. 
It's so quiet without you here in my room. 
I'd rather give your life back. 
I'd do anything to make you come back. 
I don't know what to do with myself. 
I'm lost. 
I don't know what ice-cream flavor to choose, which movie should I watch, where should I go. 
I told ya I'm lost. 
But you're stupider. 
You lied to me. 
You wanted to leave me. 
There was someone before you wanted to die for me. 
But you urged on it. You lied. 
But I miss you. I wanted to return your life. I wanted to feel you. 
Because you're out of reach. You're now nowhere to be seen. 
Nowhere in sight. 
Now tell me what should I do now. 
Except studying. Don't reply me I should stop crying for you if you ever want to. Because it's your fault I'm lost. 
Blonde, I'm lost. 
It's your fault. You shouldn't have to go away. Shouldn't have to leave me like a kitten that had lost her mom. 
I'm lost. 
I lived for you. I held the pain because of you. 
But you just left. 

Friday, March 26, 2010

Help Me Close The Lids

It's your fault I couldn't. 
Things will never be the same without you. 
You should've called me last night to come over. 
You should've been here last night. 
Disturbing my silence. 
But you didn't, you just didn't.  
I need you here with me. 
Listen, things changed. 
I miss your voice. 
I'm not obeying you, no. 
Now I don't know what to do. 
I miss you. 
I'll do anything to make you come back. 
Hear you say 'I love you'
I miss you.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I've Missed You So Badly I wanted to Die.

But then I realized it's you who I'd possibly hurt. Because it was me who died. Actually. 

Everyday I hope you're there, watching me. So you knew I still alive. 
Everyday I hope you're even here, holding me. Ruffling my hair so I could breath. But all I ever see is the avalanche of a dream. 
I'm sorry for not attending the funeral ceremony. I just couldn't bear to see you being--buried under my feet. 
I just couldn't. 
I miss you. 
I wish you were here. 
I wish. 
I miss you, blonde. Things changed. 
I'm sorry I don't go to school. I'm sorry I haven't eaten the last piece of strawberry cake you left in your fridge. 
You knew the truth I love strawberries. You ignored people saying I loved chocolate. 
You were right. Always right. 
I miss your touch. I love that smooth line jaw of yours. 
I don't mind if you have to appear as a corpse. Or as a ghost. But all I ever want is you. 
I want to see you. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I want to feel your touch. 
I won't be scared if you appear now. 
I miss you