It's That.

Happy Birthday, love. 

I know it's kinda late. I'm sorry. 

But Happy Birthday. 

Stills.

It feels so weary I can't even close my eyes to take just a brief nap. And since I know I've got a kind of stupid idea of how to be communicating to you John, I won't be sleeping any sooner. And as I couldn't resume reading the Van Alen Legacy any longer, I was thinking of you even more. 

Tell me John. 

How can I make myself forget that kind of sweet scent of your hair? It smelled so--like the smell of the grass after the rain. So clean. You knew that. And your hands always smelled like the rain. Though they were once nourished me with soothing serenity. And it warms. 

It's crazy, I know. It's like a wave. Electrocuted me since you weren't here. Or maybe you are watching me. How could I ever know? 

Well let me tell you. 

Maybe, well--probably you should've been concerned about your health since--uh, since you were here. Since you were--by my side. 

Because, um, you were infected by some kind of--disaster disease. You hadn't eaten much huh? That you were so busy--taking care of this hopeless corpse. Which had caused, uh, you were drained. Your red blood, as Steven had personally informed to me. 

I'm currently sick by yours. 

Seriously. And I apologize for blaming you for the last post I've written. 

It was my fault that you'd been too drained out. Like I was some kind of monster, which had caused you--sick. That you're a Conduit. I'm sorry. 

But I--I'm sorry. For everything I've said. I just feel so lonely.  I feel like a kitten. A lost kitten. That people keep kicking without even bringing her home. 

And Cue. He's still a student. I can't expect anything from him.  

Even if he's started to act as if he were the only one who could stare. No. Even if he looks much like you. Even if he lets me pick things I want. 

But he's not like you. He's not EVEN you. You always have been mad at anything stupid I did. 

Cue's not. He's such an ignorant. He just--a rebellious teenager. While you were such a noble person. And he's just sixteen. So it seems just too awkward to be speaking to him as he's been living in Prince Albert for quite a long time. Considered as American. Canadian. Yeah. 

How come you both were so parted?

The Feelings Died.

It's the end of April. And I've got words to present. You will like it, John. It's your birthday on the April 30 and it has been almost a month since you've been gone. 

Tyler had vowed his love to Chaste so heartily that sometimes it makes me cry when I reread those words. Because they are reminding of you. 

“With Romeo and Juliet, it takes one night to fall for each other. But it took me one second to sense that you’re The One. So we’ve got each other, angel.” Tyler quoted with a dazzling smile he’d planted by the corner of his curved brink. Chaste blinked. She never had thought that this kind of chauffeur-kind-of-boy somehow had made her dazzlingly hypnotized by his good looks.

            And she didn’t even realized that she’d sobbed. And she was embarrassed by that. “Shakespeare’s much huh?” She laughed lightly and covered his eyes. Not to show the tears.

            Tyler pressed his lips together. Knowing that it was a matter of time. Not having the urge to leaving his soulmate. We were bound to one another. And it was a destiny nobody could’ve rebuked. Nobody could’ve resisted.

            “What did you expect me, silly? Van Gogh didn’t quote. Pablo Picasso? God, you’re too into aristocrats blood-bounded! Don’t be, I used to have Shakespeare’s words here.” He buried his lips on her neck and that was it.

            She’d realized that it was her choice. Leaving Reid. Choosing a path. An eternal path with Tyler. Because she knew that Tyler’s next birthday was his Death. 

And surprisingly love, Steven approved the last word. Why?

Momma Asked Bout You.

It wasn't very easy to lie to her. So I just said. "He's gone back to Verona. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But Steven's here. Still and his cousin came."

And she was like, nodded her head and stared. She could know that I was lying. She sensed something fallacious in my words. 

I'm afraid, John. They've known my past. They'll probably tell my mom about that. I'm scared. 

What shall I do now?

Come and help. Would you be willing to just see?

He didn't Present.

I've guessed that you would hit him on his face if you were here. I've already guessed that. 

But if you were here then, I wouldn't bother to love him. 

Didn't you notice all these consequences? 

It's okay. I've got a thing to quote. :")

If you are stolen from me, the way to have you live is to never stop loving. Buildings burn. You're gone. But your love is forever and it never dies

I love you. I really do. 

It's kinda late but I love you. 

Because I breath through you now. 

And I love you. 

I love you. 

You Were Lying On Your Side

I've to hold the moment. The moment of being a loner at school.

I don't know when all of it to end. 

I just love home accidentally. Because the outside hurts me even deeper. 

They Betrayed Me. Help.

They came to my house. For a discussion. I don't have any idea what kind of discussion they tended to discuss. I don't have any idea. 

And when I told about him to one of them. She exposed it. Reading what I wrote. Reading what I carved. It's like being raped. Being exposed to people. And I don't know why I have to feel so jittery since it's not my fault. It's their fault. They betrayed me. They just wanted to know everything about me. Even my privacy. Even about you. They've known about you. 

Don't you see?

It goes even worse. 

He pretends not to know me anymore. Ever. I don't know why. Everything seems too hard to face. 

How can I ever stand alone? They've betrayed me. They know about me. About the blog you left. About our story. The past. They've known all about it. 

They found the folder. My diary. I had to delete the memories left in the folder. I had to. 

Even I didn't want. They knew all about me. 

I'm exposed to those fools. 

How could they find it? So they came on purpose. 

I had to delete all my memories with you. My past with all my buds. And the suffering. 

I don't know whom else should I cry on. Lonesome. 

Talking to you like a crazy people. Yeah, they say it's no use. They say I'm stupid. 

Yes I'm stupid. 

They can say whatever they want. They don't even care even if I cry out loud. Because nobody cares. Why should I cry in front of them? Nobody will come and treat me like what you did before. 

He turned away. Cue feels like so far away from me.

Help me. I'm sorry if I cried. But help me. 

I just need you so I have the confidence. I'm lack of confidence. 

Help me.